Life Worth Living

As many of you know I speak from my heart. I speak mostly what is on my mind and today's topic is "life is worth living." As I lay here, my thoughts crashing over me like waves, I can either let them drown me in sorrow or I can face them head on. I sometimes choose both depending on how much I want to take on. I am constantly reminded I that deserve nothing, yet I am given everything. Each day I am given the the ability to walk, talk, breath, work, have friends who care, have a family, and the list goes on and on. I deserve nothing from this life (except death), yet each day is a gift from the Lord.

I keep thinking of all the days that were spent with Kyle and they too were gifts. Each moment, memory, shared laugh, caring thought, or his presence were gifts. These days I keep replaying very vivid memories I have with Kyle. I run through all the different adventures we had together. We have made a variety of meals together, watched countless movies together, shopped, talked about everything and anything, set traps (well he did and I came along) , hunted (ish), boated, flew, cut down our own Christmas tree, planned a wedding, worked on his house (what would have been our future home), hiked together, ran together, and that is just to name a few. If anything, I am just thankful for someone to be by my side for a time being. He is incredible and I miss his daily presence. 

Kyle is one of the most kind-hearted men I have ever met. At least with me he was patient, loving, listening, and always wanted the best for me, I selfishly write this blog to remind myself of all the good times we had because they are not lost or forgotten. They are always right there, tucked away in my journal, a blog, pictures, in the stories of friends, our texts, and the constant reminder of the impacts this man had in my life. I wanted to say Kyle changed me, but who he was and how he was with me opened my eyes and my perspective changed. Only the Lord can take my hardened heart and melt it. I believe he did that through the timing of Kyle and my relationship.

For those of you who barely saw our relationship, let me just paint this picture for you. When that man walked into my view I couldn't stop beaming. I couldn't get rid of the smile on my face and I couldn't help but be around him. Countless times he would text me telling me he had made it home safely and I would be beyond excited to see him. No matter where I was, I'd stop and head his way just so I could give him a hug and kiss. He has surprised me by sitting in my classroom chair just waiting for me to walk in after getting back for a short break from guiding. The memories flood my mind on a daily basis. There isn't a day that goes by that he hasn't crossed my mind. Boy, do I miss his presence and the ability to just chat with him. It's incredibly hard to have such a trustworthy sounding board and then all of a sudden not having one at all. The person you trusted with the deepest of your feelings, thoughts, and aspirations is no where to be found. Now what? I have asked that question over and over.

Back to the life worth living for. This life is tough. There are many challenges that we are faces with each day. How we take them on is ultimately up to us. There is so much joy if you look hard enough, I challenge you my readers to document a joy each day or maybe a smile each day. Write it down, blog it, mental note it, but do something to remind yourself that there is good to be found. Honestly, it has been changing my perspective on how I look at life. There is always good even in the bad, it all depends on how you look at it. I wish you a great day and thanks for following this journey with me. I'm far from done and honestly I'm probably just getting started.