"What could be better than working to bring out the best in one another?"
Through the past 6 months of grieving, processing, examining myself, and reassessing how I view life, it has all been extremely insightful and convinciting. As silly as it sounds but tiny little ants were a catalyst for this thought above. Have you ever slowed down enough to watch ants? They are quite fascinating. If you were to ask my students I would hope they would be able to tell you that ants can carry more than their body weight. As I was watching one ant carry a fellow ant to their home, it brought to mind how we are to help each other through this life. However, there are theses lingering questions. Why am I so alone? Why don't people reach out to me? How come I have no friends?
Well, there is an active enemy that wants us to feel those feelings of abandonment, loneliness, single, or cornered and left to ourselves. How do we prepare? Armor yourselves by putting on the armor of God. It isn't just a one time thing rather a daily practice. As soon as you stop you become weaker. It reminds me of working out. If you want to be physically fit, look good, or what have you, there must be a daily work out. It's not only to maintain but to build strength and endurance. It's not a 1 time thing. The same goes for our relationship with the Lord. If you want to continually get stronger in your faith or walk with God, you must do your part in reading His word, pray without ceasing, love others, and love the Lord.
Since Christianity is not a religion rather a relationship we need to be in constant communication with our Heavenly Father. That comes through having a conversation with the Lord. It is the verse of praying without ceasing. It reminds me of how Kyle lived his life. He would tell me or ask me if I talked to the Lord ALL the time. I would tell him that I forget, or get busy, I talk to Him in the really good/bad. I was always impressed with his relationship with God. It was so raw and real. I need to practice the constant conversation like Kyle had with the Lord.
So as I continually learn and grow through all of this and Kyle's example of pure hunger for more, I have felt alone, lonely, on my own, or the single factor has sunk in at times. I am not above these feelings even if I am a strong woman or post smiling pictures of how God is working in me. I feel as I fall through the cracks of life and business. During these times I forget everything that I am preaching right now and have to remind myself that no matter if every person in my life that cares is gone, I still have the Lord. I remind myself that I am cared for and loved beyond measure. I am far from perfect or having it all together because I am trying to figure this all out on a daily basis.
Fast forward a month or so as I sat with my cousin Brittany, today here in Malaysia, we discussed many of these topics I had just written about a month or so ago up in the first few paragraphs. I didn't know we would have a similar conversation as to what I had been processing over and over again. She just sat and listened to story after story. She thanked me for sharing, she cried with me, she pushed through my tough barrier I built up to protect myself, she prayed for me. She was a perfect reminder of how much God desires to have that kind of relationship with each one of us.
We discussed many topics but what stood out to the both of us is that we get so caught up in the choas. Whether tragedy, grief, work, friends, adventure, or even our own thoughts that it is so easy to forget where to go when it is chaotic. Sometimes it takes a simple nudge and other times it takes a shove to get back to full surrender to the Lord and releasing all control to Him.
I have to say thank you to my friends and family who have text, called, wrote me notes, prayed, encouraged, came to visit, and everyone who chooses to "get in my boat" and listen to me process. All of you have made this process doable. You have come along side me to carry my burdens, the pain, grief, sorrow, and loss. It goes back to the ants and how they carry each other or carry more than their body weight for the benefit of the colony. Why does it take so much effort for us to come along side each other when it should be a simple and natural reaction?
Leave them better than when you met them
This phrase runs through my head, especially when I meet people. I want to live this life with this motto as the push behind me. We are called to love the Lord and love others. I want to love others and step outside myself for others. It's definitely not my go to but the more the practice the more it becomes a strength. It goes back to working out. If you want a muscle to become stronger you use it and work out. I feel that it comes full circle. If this whole grief processing has taught me anything, it is to let a lot of circumstances, people's feelings and thoughts, frustrations, worries, just let go. A lot of what we tend to focus on is the negative (or at least for me it used to be) and now all I want to do is focus on the positives, joys, and excitement other people have.