Well, I have been just sharing pictures and saying how easy it is to be here in Alaska. I want to first say that I know wholeheartedly that this is where God has placed me and I know that I need to be here. I feel that the door has swung wide open for me to stay and teach here. I can say this with boldness because I have been offered a full time position next year, which I have accepted in full confidence. Do not get me wrong I absolutely love it here and feel completely blessed to be in this community. The people here show that their love for the Lord is evident in their lives and I am daily encouraged by this.
First, I am not a person to hide how I feel or hide the emotions I have. I have always been this way and I used to think this was a curse. However, over the years I have learned that this is who I am and I that I like to be real with people. I like them to know where I stand on certain things and know exactly how I feel. I have been told before that it is so great that I am honest, real, and straight forward. Unfortunately, the truth is (no surprise here) I struggle and have my bad days, and hard times. It seems to me that every Sunday is the day to let it all out.
I have been blessed to have an amazing roommate who will listen, cry, and encourage me. God knew I needed her in my life for these tough yet amazing times. We go on weekly hikes, workouts, cries, and teacher talk. I am blessed to call her my roommate, and a true friend. I cannot even imagine the time she leaves and I have to step out of my comfort zone. She is truly an amazing person who loves the Lord and an amazing teacher. I could not have picked a better person to live with. Thank you Ceciley for being you.
Recently, Ceciley and I have been talking about how important it is to be real and honest with people. We recently heard in church how we need to be sharing what God is doing in our lives. This means the good, bad, and ugly. We need to be real, raw, open, and honest. We are all part of God’s family and need to be there build each other up. So, I say all this and say that is it tough to be here sometimes. I am excited to come back and live my life here but there are many things that I miss. I truly miss being with my family and enjoying time chatting with them. I miss hugs like crazy because I am such a hugger. I miss being able to leave my house and go shopping, and getting food out. I miss friends, and hanging out with them. I miss walking with my mom and just catching up with her. I miss my dad giving me a kiss on the cheek before I leave the house. If I am not careful I find myself feeling alone and friendless even though I am surrounded by people who love me. It is easier to say I am good which 9/10 I am good/great. It is those days where everyone seems to be busy and not able to talk when I struggle the most. As I tell you all this, I find pure joy for the struggles I go through.
I see that God is really working in my life and through my life. He has done so much and there is still so much to do. I really enjoy my job, coaching, being a leader, and traveling. The one day I was struggling everyone was busy, I cried out to God and He answered me and loved me more than I could have ever asked for. Today when it seems the world is pushing down on me in certain areas of my life. I still know that he is control and has me exactly where he wants me. I heard some disheartening news as a teacher and realize, yet again, that my job is more than just teaching basic concepts and skills to my children. I have to become a friend, teacher, witness, nurse, coach, among many other titles. I laugh when people think that all I do is cut and color.
I write this not for sympathy, not for people to be my friend more, or be worried about me. I write this to be honest and truthful about how I honestly feel. There are many areas in my life where the Lord is stretching me, challenging me, and asking me to grow up. I keep more to myself because I have learned from my past mistakes of letting everything just flow out of me to whoever would listen. I have learned that the only person I need to talk to is my Lord and Savior. I have learned more than ever this life is not about me, what I want, or anything I think is good for me. This life is about the will of God and everything he has planned for me. His plan is perfect (not always easy) but always perfect. God has taken people out of my life and put others who have been encouraging, loving, and supportive of my choices. I do not regret any friendships I have built over my lifetime because I truly believe that, “There will always be a reason why you meet people. Either you need them to change your life or you are the one that will change theirs.”
As for teaching this year, I have looked back to see how God allowed me to come here for 6 weeks and get my feet wet, then 5 months of teaching full time, and now I will be coming back as full time teacher next year. I do not know where God is going to lead me after next year, but I am not concerned with that because the Lord holds my future in His hands. Next year, I most likely will have double what I have now. I have 6 students now and will have 12 students in the grades ranging from Kindergarten to 2nd grade. I keep thinking of how God has been preparing me for this time.
Thank you for taking time to read this blog and sticking with me through everything that has been going on in my life. While I am here I ask for prayer that God will use me as a vessel for the sake of others. I ask that you pray that I learn to submit all my ways to Him and trust His perfect plan for my life. If anyone would like to chat with me about things going on in their lives or need prayer for anything let me know. May God bless all of you who read this and may you be encouraged by the words I write.